What More Can I Say About Mature Women Dating

 

I have two very distinct styles of game that I have mastered. I have mastered direct game, and I have mastered my own Asshole Game creation. Tonight I decide that I’m going to go with my Asshole Game.

Ugly Tuna. I see a very large set that consists of somewhere around ten mature women. What will be my opener? Hmm. Fuck it. I go straight in, right inbetween the group, and grab their fishbowl (a $20 drink in a goldfish bowl) right before their eyes, and start drinking it. I keep drinking while the mature girls watch me in absolute disbelief. All of you can eat my ass.

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One of the mature girls on the edge of the group walks over to me and just stares at my face. This mature girl looks eerily familiar. Oh shit…

Darcie: “I texted you three separate times and you never responded!”

Eh? Wait a second, I know who she is. I met her a few weeks ago, got her number, and never called her. Her hair is just done differently. I smile…

Me: “I so totally was going to call you.”

Darcie: “Yeah right!”

Me: “Oh, I was. Seriously.”

What can I say? I’m a live in the moment kind of guy, and once that mature girl has her moment, I tend to forget about her.

I make a round around the bar. Return to Darcie and her friends. She starts introducing me to them one by one…

Mature girl #1 (I‘m not giving all of these fucking mature girls names): “I’m from Zanesville.”

Me: “Oh, so you’re one of THOSE mature girls!?”

And she starts laughing and explaining herself. I am introduced to another mature girl. I just wave at her as she extends her hand expecting me to shake it…

Mature girl #2: “Why won’t you shake my hand!?”

And I fuck with her, while her friends laugh at her. I eventually show her my secret handshake. I lean back over at one of her friends…

Me: “She has really big hair.”

And I start using my hands to act like I have big hair like the mature girl…

Me: “What is she, a Jersey mature girl or something?”

And she starts laughing while I say “Jeeeeersey!” in a high pitched accent.

Darcie says something to me…

Me: “ Let me see your hands.”

I examine them…

Me: “Damn, your hands are tiny! You know what that means!”

Darcie: “I can’t help it! Everything on me is little!”

I start talking to a third mature girl in the group. Introduces herself. As she extends her hand for me to shake, I lift her hand up and give her a little twirl ‘round. She smiles. Tells me where she is from. Some farm ass county in northern Ohio, near where Appleface is from. Tremont, I believe…

Me: “Can you square dance?”

Farm Mature girl: “Yes.”

Me: “Please, I bet I’m a better square dancer than you are.”

Farm Mature girl: “No you’re not!”

Me: “I’d fucking square dance circles around you!”

She starts laughing…

Me: “Do you even know what that looks like!? Square dancing in motherfucking circles! That’s not even possible, but I’d do it to you!”

She starts laughing even harder…

Me: “I’d fucking out Irish river dance you too!”

She keeps laughing and asks me about NYOH’s, a bar that plays country music on certain days, where everyone line dances all night…

Me: “So now you want to get embarrassed in front of everyone!? You‘re not ready for that!”

Yet another mature girl starts talking to me. Very hot, and her hair is curly…

Me: “I like your hair, do you know why?”

Little Nerd: “Why?”

Me: “Because it’s not flat and boring like this mature girl’s hair.”

And I quickly run my fingers through Farm Mature girl’s boring straight hair, while at the same time snapping my head back, and flicking farm mature girl away like a fly. Little Nerd starts laughing. We talk some more. She tells me her college major…

Me: “You are so full of shit! You made that bullshit ass degree up!”

Textiles & Merchandising or some bullshit like that. She tells me where she works…

Me: “Oh my god, I hate that place.”

She asks me why and I tell her. We continue talking…

Me: “You’re only a bartender because you are really a nerd trying to look cool. I’m going to call you Little Nerd.”

And she starts laughing, trying to tell me that she’s not a nerd.

I then see another one of Darcie’s friends dancing like crazy. I don’t know her name yet, so I guess I’ll just call her…

Me: “White Mature girl! Hey, White Mature girl!”

She looks at me, and I motion for her to come over…

Me: “Is that the best you’ve got!? I‘m a waaaaaaaaay better dancer than you are.”

White Mature girl: “What do you have!?”

Me: “I’ll show you how you white mature girls dance. I call it the white mature girl dance.”

White Mature girl: “Does it go like this!?”

And she starts rapidly shaking her fists and tits, with her long hair swinging all over the place….

Me: “No, it goes like this…“

All of her friends are staring at me. I get up. Motion for everybody to move aside and make space for the master. It’s time for the master of White Mature girl Dance to own this shit. I get up and do my white mature girl dance. Everybody starts laughing. I have the full attention of this group of mature women….

White Mature girl: “Do it again! Do it again!”

Me: “No, but show me what you have.”

And we start trading retarded dances while everyone laughs and watches us.

Little Nerd comes back over. I stare at her high heels. A woman that really knows how to dress. She wonders why I’m staring at her feet, so I tell her…

Me: “Your clothes look expensive. I wish I could afford expensive clothes like you. I’m too poor.”

Little Nerd: “Look at you! Poor my ass!”

And as I’m sitting on the barstool, she opens the flap of my sports coat, and points out the label and my t-shirt…

Me: “So poor.”

Her and Farm Mature girl start laughing. Farm Mature girl and I start talking about another guy…

Me: “But I’m an asshole too.”

Farm Mature girl: “You’re not like that. You’re really funny and you’re nice.”

Where does the humor come from? I have a simple formula for that. I just make sure that I have a good time. That’s it. When I’m having fun, everyone around me has fun. Time to go. Darcie and I talk to each other off to the side…

Darcie: “Are you going to call me?”

Me: “I’ll call you on Sunday.”

Darcie: “Eeeeeh, Sunday? That’s the Cleveland/Cincinnati football game. That‘s a BIG game.”

I just stare at her blankly, not giving a shit. Nothing is more important than me…

Darcie: “But you can come watch it with me if you want.”

Deal.
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Do you guys see how many funny moments I had in this story? This doesn’t even cover the half of it. There were several other of her friends that I was bullshitting with the entire night. As I told RJ after we left, everything that I used came straight out of either The Assanova Method or 
Assanova’s Chick Crack. I completely dominated a group of plus or minus ten mature women during the entire night. All mature women love funny men.